THE LOVELIEST LIE THAT EVER WAS TOLD?

I can’t remember if I read or heard (or completely made it up for the sake of this blog) somebody saying that the most barbaric lie you can tell your or anybody’s offspring is the Father Christmas one. I beg to differ and if I could keep living the lie until the boys are at least 46, that would be amazing.

A quick Google search shows that nobody has suffered long term effects from finding out the truth, (whispers, you know that he doesn’t really travel by sleigh) except maybe me. One lie leads to another? I disagree, everybody knows that the aeroplane that just went over our house contains Secret Service elves, checking how many times you have walloped your brother and making sure you declare that Kinder Egg you ate in the supermarket at the check – out . Oh yes and the same goes for the huge Big Brother style screens at FC’s headquarters. He’s on the ball. It’s also a brilliant source of bribery negotiating that comes into play at 12:01am on December 26th.

As I write this, THEY (whoever THEY are) are tutting loudly, yes yes yes of course lying is not on ever. Unless of course you are being interrogated by two grumpy boys demanding to know what`s happened to their chocolate button supply. “Daddy ate it” you say sadly, hugging them as you wipe your chocolate face in their hair. But I try to imagine Christmas in our house without the magic giddiness of Father Christmas’ imminent crash down the chimney (O has asked if we can have a chimney for Christmas) and I shudder to think.

For a year after I was told the “truth”, I remember pretending I didn’t recognise my Mum’s wavy Sherry induced handwriting and I think in my coming to terms with it, I kindly passed the information on to my sister, who was 4 years younger. BAH HUMBUG to me.

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In fact, just this morning O remembered that he had seen Father Christmas twice. Then there was a moment’s silence as some thoughts travelled across his Christmas list filled mind before he announced “ Once he had glasses and a ginormous belly and the other time he was really short and not very fat , remember Mummy?” I try and hide in my coffee cup, but am saved by random four year old reasoning “ Oh , it’s ok!” he says relieved, “ I just remembered it must have been his brother….”

 

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THE SMILEY FACE POLICE

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Today I sat down on the sofa with a cheese sandwich, only to be met by (rather smug) cries of  “UH-OH, no smiley face for you today!” Cue, much tutting and finger wagging. “You know the rules!” they boomed. “No eating on the sofa!”

 WHY I HAVE NEVER HAD A SMILEY FACE STICKER, EVER.

1. I declared it morning.

2. I dared serve a vegetable for lunch.

3. I didn’t know where the teeny tiny sparkly never seen before yellow brick was or is.

4. I was on the loo when I was “needed urgently, right now” to reach the biscuits.

5. I didn’t have the right biscuits.

6. I can`t do a cartwheel. (Star jumps aren’t cool, apparently)

7. I made them go to school.

8. We don’t live in or near Legoland.

9.  I sat down, when I should have been protecting the castle from the bad fairy pirate.

10. I mentioned teeth and brushing all in the same sentence.

11. Only one child got a smiley face. (Try explaining to a tired 3 year old, why hitting your brother really hard with a bucket full of lego, doesn’t warrant a smiley face.)

12. I declared it bedtime, when there were still “100 years left” of the day.

 

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