QUESTIONS I NEVER ASKED UNTIL I HAD CHILDREN

IMG_2796

1.What is the point of trousers with imitation drawstrings? Is it to enable the game “Let’s pretend we’re wearing drawstring trousers”?

2. Why on the one night of the year you go out and reacquaint yourself  with a few bottles and a half of wine, is it a cue for the littlest to projectile vomit everywhere and the oldest to declare 3am the new get up time?

3. Who are THEY? Where do THEY live? What do THEY do when they’re not saying what we should and shouldn’t do?

4. Why, once out of the house and in the eye of the general public do  children turn into the stuff of nightmares?

5.Why haven’t they invented a lego reject button on the hoover?

6.Why once you or anybody in the vicinity has uttered the words “He´ll fall asleep on the way home” or “We’re in for an early night ” does that translate as car journey from hell with a screaming non asleep toddler or that it is actually time for astronaut practice, which entails launching off a bookcase until said child cracks his head and can only be consoled by eating Cheetos and watching Frozen six times.

7. Why the minute you sit down, catch a breath, go to the loo or have thoughts about putting the kettle on, do they know to have a monster nosebleed or get their toes stuck under the door?

8.Why would anybody dream of making white clothes for any child under the age of 26?

9. Why two seconds after giving birth aren’t we provided with Mary Poppins` clicky fingers?

10. What did I do before?

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “QUESTIONS I NEVER ASKED UNTIL I HAD CHILDREN

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s